Dream a little dream

My night is drifting between a vivid bike race dream and hearing my dad's neighbors. The bike race dream has me competing against a large field of riders but only two come into focus. In my waking hours it is not clear who the other two main competitors are but I'm pretty sure I knew during the dream. I am biking some kind of obstacle course and have to alternate between biking free and carrying my bike over things or up and down stairs. During the race the two competitors sometimes help me and encourage me. Sometimes they are just indifferent. My kids pop up in the dream from time to time. Lydia encouraging, Aidan helpful, Elisa proud. When they show up in the dream I feel confident. The obstacles subside and I am riding free.

The race is interrupted by voices. I am sleeping in my dad's basement. The voices are outside, coming from an adjourning backyard. Happy voices, chatting, having a good time. Not too loud, not too quiet. A mix of men and women voices. Adult voices. I fall back into my dream.

The race is coming to a conclusion and I am in position to win. I look for my competitors and I expect we will be helping each other like earlier in the race. Or maybe I just expect they will be helping me. Then someone tells me – I'm not sure who – that the competitors have conspired against me and that I am going to lose the race. I am shocked, hurt, and sad. But then the feeling turns and I am determined to keep racing and to win.

I somehow bike past the first competitor and she wishes me well, no longer hoping I will lose. I am told the second competitor is way out in front of me and that there is no way I can catch her. Then stairs appear and I must get off my bike and carry it up the stairs. I reach the top of the stairs starting to feel confident I can catch the second competitor on the race track. I pop on my bike and ride down to the track ready to let it all out. Ready to ride hard and finish the race. Feeling it. When I get to the track there are people lingering around and the track is no longer clear. I see my second competitor jumping up and down. Not racing, just jovial. I wake up to the sound of the neighbors voices. Keeping my eyes closed I try to reenter the dream. I cannot. I open my eyes and look at my cell phone. 5:49AM. Time to wake up and begin my trek. Begin my trek back to my evolving definition of home.

In my waking hours I tell myself a story about the dream, this story. I think I know who the competitors are. "Rest in peace", I say to the first one. "Good luck with that", to the second.