Dream a little Dream

It is one am and I am in the deep near death sleep that follows a thirteen hour trans pacific flight. I am lying side by side with a blond woman, I think caucasian but could be asian, I'm not sure. I have my arm around her waist and our waists our pressing down hard. Then I am on top, then she is, then she is not and I am not. I know it is a dream because the feeling is too good to be real, too free of any subtext that goes with my non dream state, a too idealized state. Then the dream is over and a fight not to open my eyes and try to reenter my dream but it is gone, lost.

Then, later i guess, but in the same night, I dream some more. This time my memory of the dream is fading. But my ex wife is there and she is mad. She is standing next to me, seeing right through me. And this time I open my eyes to be away from her. But then just for a minute i think that she is in fact standing next to my bed, waiting for me to in fact awake from the dream she invented. then i know that reality can’t be true, has never been true for me, yet i can’t bring myself to open my eyes and look.

i tell myself i am tired.