Dream

She comes to me in my dreams. I have these dreams maybe once a week; they make a strong impression on my waking hours maybe once a month. They increase in frequency in times of stress or travel which these days is a frequent companion. In my dreams, until the other night, I never see her. I feel her, sense she is near. In a restaurant, in the booth directly behind me. On the freeway, in the car I'm about to pass. In the subway station, in the subway car I'm about to step onto. At airport, about to come out of the restroom. In my house, about to come to bed. When I sense her, I force myself awake. Afraid to face what I would face. My fate. I'm not sure exactly what it would be. Or at least I wasn't sure until the other night. I used to think I would face her anger. Her severe and un-relinquishing anger. Or worse, her disappoint of finding me a fraud. Or even worse, her pity as one pity's a child who doesn't know his place. The other night, however, when I really saw her for the first time, it was something different. I was walking down a small alleyway, it seemed like Rome. People were rushing past. I sensed her. I wanted to wake up, was about to, when something propelled me forward. And then she came into the clear. Just to my right, walking towards me, she appeared. Large black rim glasses. She looked, well normal. She looked healthy without being too healthy. She looked happy but overly so. She was neither angry nor disappointment in me. She just seemed like she should be. How she should have been. Time seemed to stop. We didn't acknowledge each other but didn't look away either. Then time moved again and she was gone. I awoke, shaken, but not knowing what to make of it. They say we are all the people in our dreams. After all, there is not one else inside or my head. Is there?