Getting to the other side

It is smog apocalypse year two as I hold Elisa's hand and cross a busy street in what could be called downtown Beijing. Lydia and Aidan are trailing just behind and I am keeping an eye on them as well. We are not quite half way across the street when a car making a left turn, turns sharply into the cross walk inches from me an Elisa. Cars killing us is inevitable, either through smog or this more expedient behavior. I don't think this until later. At that moment I am angry and I want to punch a hole through the driver's side window which was dangerously, yet conveniently close. Elisa is tethered to my right hand which would make the punch difficult so I settle for a glare and a curse. I don't have the ability to curse in Chinese and the windows are tinted darker than a Hearst so my anger is in vain. Except it felt good. Emotion is good.

I've been in Beijing almost nine years now and this was the second time I got angry enough at driver almost hitting me that I wanted to hit the car. The first time I actually pounded on the car as it passed and the driver (a taxi driver) got out of the car and yelled back at me, ready for a showdown. A showdown that was only words since I haven't been in a fight since the fourth grade (and that wasn't pretty). A showdown that was only words because Yang happened to be with me and she doesn't exactly have a lot of confidence in my mano o mano skills and she wasn't going to fight on my behalf. All and all, I think two outbursts in nine years is pretty good. We all have the right to lose our mind once in a while.

There are a few foreigners her (laowai) who the cars, people, lines, smog, noise, language doesn't bother. Peace to them. There are more foreigners who it drives crazy, to the point that they stereotype as the seemingly only explanation. For cars in particular, if you don't drive it is really hard to understand how you need to force your way through a constant stream of pedestrians in order to get anywhere. It's all about perspective and expectations. Perspective: Understand it changes in context and sometimes can seem very narrow even if it's not. Expectations: Don't have them, this isn't the same culture you grew up in.

We made it home and Lydia and Elisa wanted to watch Frozen again. Lydia claims not to like the music but she likes the little snowman. Elisa loves the music. Aidan is watching his own video on his new iPad mini.

Winter is still with us but it's lost it's teeth.