Hapless in Beijing

It is the morning after my return to Beijing. I slide the couch over to face the TV. Nice. I sit on the couch shirtless. Comfortable. I put my feet up and sip coffee. Content. Then I notice the goldfish swimming all alone in our little tank. Hungry. Did we have just one goldfish? I have no idea. How long can goldfish live without food? No idea. I get up and feed it. Did I feed it maybe too much which will cause it to die? Maybe.

Yang and the kids will return home in a few days. This is the longest stretch of time I've been in Beijing without them; some 11 days in total. While I do like the peace and quiet and the ability to arrange furniture, meals, and my day, I do miss their ever presence. The other realization is that I'm pretty helpless on my own here. If I need to speak in Mandarin to get something done I am not much more capable than I was seven years ago. I can buy groceries that are in front of me but if I want to ask if they have jar openers for sale – as I want to do right now – I would need to mime it. And I'm thinking miming jar opening might not get the appropriate message across. So I figure the jar opener can wait. The rest of the urgent needs to communicate in Mandarin is hypothetical at this point. Yes, the water bottle is getting low but I can ration for the remaining days. Other problems are less likely to occur. The power goes out about once every six months if we haven't recharged the debit card. I would be stuck. Thankfully we do have some candles in the house. Birthday candles. If I get in an accident while driving I would need to negotiate on the road vs. calling Yang on the cell and having her do that. Fortunately I have never been in an accident with another car. Not in 30 years of driving. Now that I write this of course, I will have an accident on my way to work tomorrow.

So how is it that I could live in this country for seven years and be so unable to take care of myself? Outside of incompetence that is. Well, maybe all of it is competence, lack of. I don't really study Chinese anymore. As Yang says, if I've made it this far then why is there a need to. A need unfulfilled is still a need, I guess. Will I ever be able to say anything other than basics "I want" or "I don't want"? Will I ever be able to say "I want plastic hangers, thick but not too thick". Maybe not.

But at least the fish is still alive.