Happy Mess in Isolation
After dinner Lydia and I are walking to 7-11 for some snacks and she’s playfully asking me how tall Allio’s get. I say, “What do you call a tall Allio? A mutation.” She laughs. At 13 she can appreciate my wit for she has the same sometimes sharp tongue. And I feel connected.
When I first started my “kids weeks” four years ago, it was loose footing as Mr. Mom. Or what I would tell the kids “baba ayi” (father nanny). There was the morning rush getting them up, some semblance of a breakfast, and into a car or rickshaw to school. Then home, out to dinner, back home making sure they did homework, endless laundry, then shower and sleep. When the following week came and I sent them off to school I would feel relieved and strangely accomplished. I would have the following week as the “single” part of my “single dad” status although mostly that meant watching TV episodes and thinking about dating. A night out would typically be with one of my few guy friends and involve a beer or two. Then I started dating and had a real relationship. Then a second, which is the current state of things.
Now back in the present time, Aidan and Lydia and increasingly Elisa can take care of themselves. I cook dinner for them about half the time, about half the time we go out. It is important to me, as it was to my mom, that we sit with each other and talk during dinner. We have our routines, from pizza party movie night, to utown ramen, to taco night. Lately Elisa and I have been playing Monopoly and Uno.
It is now Monday again - I keep the kids Monday to Monday - and I’m taking Elisa to school. We are not talking too much this morning, just sitting the back of our didi (China’s uber). We get to her school and my heart tugs when I say “have a good day, see you next week” and then she’s gone as loud speakers blast Chinese music that I don’t understand.
I feel the same when Aidan and Lydia take off on Monday morning for their school. That I will miss them terribly. I no longer look forward to my life being single with a sense of accomplishment, the week instead greets me with a sense of longing and isolation. Isolation because I’ve become more isolated at work being the only non Chinese speaker in my group. More isolated in relationships since the few good friends I either don’t see or they have left China. Isolated in relationship since Sabrina works crazy startup hours and I often only see her during the week when I kiss her goodbye in the morning.
They kids have left the house quite a mess. I guess I could clean in. But it’s a happy mess.
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