Higher Road

I’m in a taxi having just left the Hangzhou airport and feeling relieved that with my limited to no Chinese language skills that I’m on my way. I am often reminded here that I’m working without a net and this is most evident when I’m travelling alone. As I was making my way in the taxi line I was beating myself up for everything that could and may still go wrong. And then I was reminded of a new song that I like. It essentially goes that if you want to fight in the ditch, then have it, I’m going to be up here, taking the high road. I’ve been thinking about this a lot as I climb out of that ditch even sometimes it feels like I’m climbing against mud in a rainstorm.

In my greater me or my realized me or whatever that thing is called I am confident and humble. Peoples critiques and slants neither slay or drive me, they are just theirs to own. I don’t wallow in my thoughts always planning for the next day, the next improvements. I am able to just be.

I’ve been thinking this week that I’ve been living away from America for 12 years. That I won’t be able to adjust when I go back or whether I will go back. My life is comfortable here, but fragile. There is so much I’ve experienced and so much I don’t understand. I am misunderstood while I am stubbornly staying in my shell.

Sabrina wants to get married and have a baby. She feels intense pressure about this and sometimes it boils over like dry ice. I am in the moment happy as a clam but unsure what’s beyond that. Am I already a two-time loser who didn’t learn is lessons. Or was I just unfortunate to have married two wildly different affected persons. I would like my happiness not to come with a pretense. Well, too late for that.

It seems this taxi driver is just taking me strait the hotel, on meter. Not doing the run around to drive up the fair. Us foreigners are not so special here anymore.