Just Dance

They say you should dance like no one is watching. Nice idea. People are watching. And judging. I don't dance anymore. Save for the occasional wiggles tune with my two year old and the ultraman theme song with my three year old. And maybe the very rare caffeine induced shake to kid rock. When I was in the 7th grade, I was not afraid to dance. I was afraid of girls. Still am mostly. Anyway, in the 7th grade it took some courage for me to ask one to dance. So I usually found one I didn't like that much and asked her. The dancing seemed easy. I few 360 degrees spins, a finger pointing to the floor, and then one to the air. Girls started to ask me to dance. I was cool. Or so I thought. Turns out they just thought the way I danced was funny. In my 20s I married a girl who met her first husband on a dance floor. So, I thought I should dance too. After a go, she decided dancing was no longer necessary for a relationship. When I was 30 and single again a woman asked me to dance. I told her I don't really dance, but she insisted and I really liked her, so I went for it. A minute into the song I was feeling pretty good, that maybe my earlier self assessment was wrong. In my best self deprecating tone I said "I told you I can't dance" and she said "now why is that". She was not being sarcastic. The single life being what it is, I did not wait another seven years before dancing again. There's this misconception, held mainly by married men, that single guys are getting hooked up every weekend. That they have to beat the women off with a stick. So many choices, so little time! But, the sad fact is, that a married guy getting his twice monthly bodily function action is doing better than most single guys. It is a lonely life. So, with that as a background you can understand why I tried another attempt. After 30 seconds the woman stopped dancing. At 45 seconds she walked off the floor without excuse or eye contact. At 32, one would think I would have learned my lesson, once and for all. I had a new age friend pushing me to dance "like no one is watching." She was not convinced by my stories. She wanted me to dance. But I didn't want to dance with her. She was ugly. Well, is ugly, ugly isn't something you grow out of even if you are Nicole Richtie. So I danced with another girl, one I used to like but no longer did mainly because she no longer did and halfway through the song she said "Vince, what is wrong with you?" expressing real, sincere concern. She also was not being sarcastic. So, now, when I watch my two year old girl dance to the wiggles I just want to giggle. Why? Because, the dancing is hereditary. She dances like her daddy. But unlike him, she truly dances like no one is watching and her joy is unbounded. For now? ps: the only way to dance like no one is watching to make sure no one is.