Light and Dark

"Your twitters are so dark" and "i don't understand your status messages" are the most common response to his micro blogging. He  thinks he needs to find a new micro blog neighborhood where he will not coax his messages for his audience. But, of course, -- and there is always an "of course" -- his messages will be coaxed for his audience anyway. It's a matter of whether he wants to coax it one way or the other.

He knows he's lost favor with those closest to him. That once he was seen as a positive thing he is now seen as a neutral. At least on his best days. Or on his 20 hour workaholic days. On the days when he is depressed or is distant or is simply jerkish he rates in the negative column. Someone who needs to be there but in so many ways would be so much better if he was not.

He once knew a person like this. Who went from the same positive to negative swing. And at one point the negative swing became a negative weight that even once freed from she had no strength remaining to fight. He knew how quickly those around him could turn from affection to pacification to enablement. Want to be an alcoholic--go for it--let's order another round -- it is better than having you around in the day to day life. Want to be a workaholic -- super that's an extra 30 hours a week you are not around.

So this brings us back to the light. Where is it? The light is in the micro blogging. The cynicism. The boy who is now a man and who does not believe in anything but nevertheless believes in himself. Believes in the humor of word turned on word.  Knows that while he may have 623 facebook friends, the three who laugh at his status messages vs. sending email checking on his mental health are the ones he connects with. he know needs to find the facebook for cool people. cool being -- of course -- people too cool to be cool.