Thai Traveling (Part I)

It started out as an innocent enough trip and it ended as an innocent enough trip. What lies in between is the story that shall be unfolded now, necessary details enhanced and obliterated. We arrived at the Beijing Airport at 2pm, our flight to Bangkok not scheduled to depart for another 3.5 hours but our travel agent said the plane was overbooked and we better get there early to make sure we secure our tickets. Maybe we find a new travel agent. Maybe we should thank her. This being China, I never know. To get to the check-in counters at Beijing International you first have to fill out a customs form declaring that you are not taking stuff out of the country you shouldn't be taking or at least declare. It is mostly obvious that you need to fill something out as people are lined up with identical sheets of paper dangling from their hand. As I've left Beijing many times (always to return, now why is that?) I know the drill. As my wife has left Beijing many times (always to return, why with me?) she knows the drill. We fill out the paper and get in the so-called line which, despite this being the first day of a weeklong holiday is short and disorganized. In fact it's hard to tell if there is a line or people just idling by the entrance, but then you see someone walk straight past everyone and hand his form to the customs agent and you know it's a line. You know it's a line because this is Beijing and without someone cutting in line it's hard to tell the difference between a line and a gathering. We amble our way up to the customs agent. Well, there's actually two. The first just checks your passport; maybe this isn't officially and agent. The agent sits behind a blue walled desk and from the markings on the ground I believe you are supposed to stand in front of the desk while he inspects your form and you. But everyone just walks by, as we do, barely breaking stride and hand him the form. He puts it onto a stack with all the other forms. Which go where I wonder? We follow the signs for our Thai Airlines flight and get to the counter to find it filled with JAL staff. They tell us to come back at 3pm. So much for getting there early. We have 50 minutes to kill before we wait in line and then have two hours to kill. We walk out of the counter area, past the same guard who took our forms, and I am tempted to ask for them back but do not. We walk around the mezzanine level of the airport, past overpriced restaurants and cafes and a massage place. My wife would like to get a massage but thinks it's too expensive. Justification comes easy. âIt's not that badâ I say. Plus âwe are officially on vacationâ and with that she's gone and I'm done to Starbucks for a decaf. Starbucks is full so I end up drinking it next to locals waiting for relatives to arrive. 3pm arrives and we refill out the forms and end up back at the JAL now Thai Airway counters. Quite a line. Wife slightly worried. Line moves slowly. Like a snake with legs. But we get tickets, ask for aisle seats, and get them. It would actually be hard for two people not to get an aisle seat with the way the plan is configured but this doesn't dawn on me right away. We sit on the runway for an hour waiting for our turn to takeoff. Not the first time this has happened to me at Beijing International. Well, it's the second time, so I do overstate a little. We are in the air, wife asleep, me reading King of Torts. They serve a Thai style meal that is reduced to usual airplane heated mess. I had chicken and rice. Halfway through the flight I use the restroom and notice it seems to be falling apart. The metal shelf behind the toilet (as a man I notice such things) was curled on the edges. Made me wonder about the rest of the plane. Touchdown in Bangkok was smooth, a bit late. We somehow manage to find our hotel which is connected to the Airport by a covered walkway. This after I struggle to no avail with the ATM machine. We check in, it's 11pm. To go into town, or not? We change some dollars for baht and go with a warning from the hotel staff to have the taxi driver turn on the meter and the cost should be 300-400 baht. We exit the main door of the hotel, the bellhop (or whatever the person who greets you is called) disappears and we make our way to the street for a cab. We get approached by someone without a car asking if we need a cab, think that won't work very well, and wait for an actual moving vehicle. It arrives in like two seconds. We give him a note written in Thai with where we want to go. We ask him to turn on the meter. He ignores us and starts driving. We ask him to stop. He slows down. A little. We ask how much. 500 baht, he says. I say 300, he grunts 350, we repeat 300, he grunts affirmation or perhaps it was 350 again. I'll never know. It takes sometime to get to the night market, the cab driver flying though the light traffic without a care in the world. He should have none, for I carry them all. âHe's on the wrong side of the road!â my mind screams every time I see a car coming the other direction. After the 30-minute drive, he stops the car in front of a dimly lit one-story warehouse looking building. There is nothing else around really, but other closed looking buildings. Then I notice half a dozen men sitting in front of the building. One walks up as I open the cab door and invites us in for a ping-pong show. I close the door as my wife asks him to go to where all the people are. He does, we pay our 300, and are out. Lots of people, lots more offers for a ping-pong show. Now how appealing is that? My lifelong fantasy, no doubt, is to see a ping-pong show. Hey, what about marbles? Let me guess, wrong texture. So we stroll around and walk past a baby elephant. Excuse me, nobody told me there are elephants here. What the #$@# is this. I guess I should have got that guidebook after all. But the elephant is cool, it's working (no, not as a ping-pong artist) but as a prop to sell overpriced bananas to feed it. We don't buy any and just stroll along. To a restaurant were the pad thai is awesome but thai iced tea is not to be found. Then more strolling, finally to a bar for a drink, live music, and people watching. End up watching a few hookers, but just watching. Not that I'm a saint but all I want to do to get clean is take a shower. Back to the hotel for another 300 baht, this driver more sane, less out to take us. Probably the going rate was 150. It's 3am, our plane for Phuket leaves in six hours.