Thoughts on Turning 50 (part 2)

Since I wrote Thought on Turning 50 I’ve had a few more thoughts which I guess is a good thing. At least the brain is still active.

Some of my thoughts are direct results of experience. The experience of how my knees feel in the morning coming down the stairs. The experience of having a millennial co-worker see a picture of me from seven years ago and exclaim “wow, you were so young”. The experience of waking up on Sunday morning alone and spending the day alone. The experience of playing basketball the previous sunday with my 13 year old son. The experience of wondering if I should put sunblockt on the spot that has appeared on my head or if I should just avoid escalators. The experience of being the old guy at work.

But mostly it is a feeling. A feeling that 50 came awfully fast and that 80 will come even faster. I can think of my dad at 55 -- when I was in high school -- and then now and it just seems to have flashed by. I think of my eldest brothers 50’s birthday party and how that seemed like yesterday. If yesterday was 15 years ago. And now that I’m single I’m trying to deny the feeling of being the old creepy foreigner.

It is a feeling of mortality and certainty of such. Notable stars have died young in recent months. They say death comes in threes. I just say it comes. And comes. And comes. Until it comes for you.

It is really three things my brain has been doing circles around. First, 60/70/80 will be here before I know it. Second, death is just around the corner and we ain’t talking a city block. Third, mourning the loss of my youth and privileges of the young.