We are having baby

About a year ago I was scrolling through Twitter and saw that Duane Kuiper's wife had died and decided it was time to talk to Sabrina about having a child.

By talking, I mean texting. I texted that I was now open to having a child. I had a condition. I wanted to really take care of this one and be a Mr. Mom and quit my job meaning she's needed to go back to work.

When I found myself in my late 40s single and starting to date I was clear that I would not marry again and certainly no children. I would share this on the first date. Not the best tactic for getting a second date. It took me a while to realize that in my late 40s I wasn't seen as someone to spend time with, I was seen as a transaction. I had one off but mostly on relationship for three years. The woman wanted to be married but bless her heart didn't push the issue. It was a really good relationship until it wasn't, and we split up. A few months after that, I met Sabrina and the feeling was different. Definitely wasn't going to get married. We didn't really talk about it. It started to weigh on me that after two long-term relationships, Sabrina found herself at 39 and never married. If she could easily be with me for a few years and then find herself in her mid 40s, unmarried, no prospects for children. So, after a few months I told Sabrina clearly that I wasn't going to get married. She dumped me.

That lasted a weekend. The compromise we made is she would let go of marriage and I wouldn't leave her if for some reason I needed to return to US.

Fast forward a few years my mind had shifted on marriage. Sabrina had vested. But I didn't want a ceremony. I proposed, with an elopement plan TBD. The TBD turned out to be a few months later when my job in China was being eliminated and I thought I might return to US (I didn't).  We got married in Wuhan in April of 2019.

Sabrina had always wanted a baby. We didn't talk about it much and had only one contentious talk about it, back before we got married. The topic didn't really come up or was left unsaid. Occasionally, when I could see she was thinking about it, I would say I was sorry that a baby didn't happen for her.

Until it did.

We have two months to go. Sabrina's pregnancy is going mostly well. Because of remnants of China's one child policy, we don't know if the baby is a girl or a boy. I let go of the my requirement that I'd quit my job but I still fantasize about that.

Why was Duane Kuiper's wife dying the catalyst? Can't say. A feeling that life is short. A feeling not to deprive someone you love of love.