Lydia and Elisa are walking single file in front of me making their way to the back of the speed boat. As we walk I hear a father call out from the water below. “Help, help!” and I look down to see him trying to wave his hands towards his 10 year old son who despite the life jacket was in some kind of danger. It barely registered with me at the time beyond delaying our descent into the water as the boy and father climbed back into the boat. As we got to the rear steps a mom, holding her six month old, gave me some advice about tying Elisa’s hair back. Death stare. Lydia was first into the water followed by Elisa and then me. Elisa was immediately scared as the ocean swells put her head underwater and she could not adjust their rhythms. I too was having a hard time adjusting and could immediately relate to the father calling emergency. I held Elisa through a few more waves but she was too nervous and could not adjust so I brought her back to the boat. I went back out to find Lydia waiting for me, not affected at all. We snorkeled for about 30 minutes, father and daughter, enjoying a wonderous feeling of weightlessness and senses of the eyes. When it we were done we found Elisa waiting on the boat for us, relaxed again.

This was the second time I took the kids by myself on vacation sans Aidan who went snowboarding with his mom. I am not a natural arranger of things which can be a problem in that I want to do things. I want to be in a constant state of movement. Phuket offered many options and I played it safe. Arrival day and the next day, stay by the hotel. Day three go on jungle/rafting tour. Day four stay by the hotel. Day five, do the snorkeling tour. Day six, return to Beijing. The kids were mostly content to stay close to their iPads.

I felt a different connection with the kids than on other trips. Since Aidan wasn’t there Lydia’s role shifted. I’m at a loss for words on how to describe that shift. More in control as the eldest child on the trip. Elisa was content to go along except when it came to food where she remains in her picky phase. I felt good about my kids, that they are good sports and have good hearts. I felt connected to them which I guess is what it’s really all about.