the kid played with his small gi joe soldier. he had just the one gi joe and no enemy soldiers so he had to use a stick in their place. he found that the stick naturally beat the gi joe but then found himself bored and needed to break the stick himself and start over. there were no other boys he could play with beause the other boys his age wanted to punch and kick and otherwise do things he wasn't interested in. he liked to play catch and play games. but not touch. not fight. not tease.

now the boy finds himself a man with his own boy. the man is the boy and the boy is the man. he trys to protect the boy but at the same time wants him to grow up not to be like he is.

the man finds himself surrounded by people who see him in a way that is true and not true. the phrases "distant", "not open", "quiet" all come across. while he knows some of this is true, he also knows most of it is not. but he cannot remove the mask even from his own mirror. he feels like the enemy. he feels like the outsider. which he is, always has been, always will be. but the foreignness is not just the country, it is everyone save for a few souls who can see him as he really is. and that list of souls has been shrinking over the years and he's not sure how he ever add to it again.

so he steps forward, not wanting to be fake but being fake because to show true self means not being accepted for who he is. it means being criticized for things he is not. so he will be fake in order for his true side to be seen but in being fake he forgets what his true side used to be. twisted this is true. a fun house mirror is his projection.