It is the last day of the October golden week and I am feeling a bit of dread. Something is not right but I don't know what it is. The feeling of dread comes over me from time to time like an annoying neighbor. Familiar, yet resented.

I am taking Aidan and Lydia to Chaoyang Park. Aidan on the promise of basketball and Lydia on the promise of Cotton Candy. We are expecting the basketball courts at the park to be crowded as they are most weekends but on this day they are mostly empty. The rest of the park is crowded with some kind of food festival. My Chinese is getting worse and worse which is part of my dread and so I use Aidan to ask how much the court fee is. 20 RMB per person (about $3.50) so I give the attendant a 50 RMB bill to cover me and Aidan. As I pull out the 50 the attendant is checking out the other notes in my wallet and he asks me for the small bills. I make a gesture for him just to take the 50 and give me the 10 RMB change. He pushes for the small notes trying to be helpful and pointing inside my wallet where he saw a 5 RMB bill. This makes me angry and again my Chinese fails me and again my dread builds.

I relax as I know Aidan and Lydia can see I am mad and I know seemingly random anger from a parent isn't great. I explain to Aidan what I was annoyed at (notice the shift from rage to anger to annoyance as the brain logictizes). I send Lydia off in search of water and cotton candy (with the 50 RMB note, by the way) and Aidan and I take our first shots. Aidan is not tall and being a bit chubby isn't graceful looking but he moves with ease. His strength and coordination have improved a lot since we played last which was maybe in the spring time. He can easily shoot the ball from the free through line now and he has some spin moves he likes to add to layups. My body, on the other hand, feels like a fortress. My knees seem to have lost all strength and bounce. My legs are still strong so I can jump to get off my shot but it takes quite a bit of warming for my knees to let me. My back and neck resist movement and making some of my pet moves a thing of the past. I am feeling my age and it seems to all have come on in the past week.

Aidan and I play a game of P-I-G. I am merciless with my behind the backboard swish. We then move to a game of 21 and while I resist the temptation to block every one of his shots I do win but not as easily as I expected. Lydia sites and watches us while she eats cotton candy. Smart girl.

We keep playing and my body loosens up slightly. Aidan is moving well and not afraid to bump in for a rebound. I don't force him to clear the ball on my missed shots so he gets some easy put backs and wins our final game of 21 but a score of 21-18 (notice that I softened my defeat for this audience of one).

Aidan, Lydia and I then toss around a nerf football. Lydia alternating from interest and playful defiance. I feel the dread lift. Not to joy mind you, but a lift. I resist giving the finger to the attendant on the way out.