Two years ago almost to the day I lost my ATM card and the experience of getting a replacement was such a hassle I swore I would never let it happen again. Until a couple weeks ago.

It is pretty easy to lose an ATM card here as most of the machines spit out the card at a remarkably slow pace that for some reason reminds me of a tractor. Both times I lost my card I was stressed out about something and I'm sure I just grabbed the withdraw and walked away leaving my card to eject into an invisible hand. After realizing I lost my card and checking the cash bins near the ATM machine it was time for me to solicit Yang's help and go to the bank. One of the things I dislike the most about living here is its difficult for me to do any kind of complicated transaction without someone's help and in general I tend not to like to ask for help.

Yang and I met the next afternoon near my office and located a branch about 10 minutes away. We grabbed a ticket and waited for 20 numbers to be called. Eventually, shortly after they shut the doors to new customers, they called us. A mere 45 minutes later all the paperwork was filled out and I was told my account would be frozen until my new card was issued. Yang told me a man would stop by my office next week and I thought that was a pretty good service instead of me having to go pick up the card at the branch.

We left Yang's number with the man so he could speak with Yang and Yang could translate to me. On the day he called Yang was snowboarding so she text messaged me that he would be calling soon. Sure enough, 15 minutes later he called. I told him to wait a minute and that I would be right downstairs. Finally I would get my ATM card. I left the meeting I was supposedly leading and went to the lobby. No man was waiting for me. He called again and I couldn't understand what he was saying so I asked the receptionist to translate. Turns out he needed directions and once given I was told he would be about another 10 minutes.

20 minutes later he called again. He was standing next to his car which was parked in the bike lane in front of the building. I could see him talking but not understanding what he said so I walked out to meet him. He showed me some paperwork and a photo copy of my passport. I signed the documents where he asked me to sign and I had no idea what I was signing. He then started to say something that I could not understand. I picked up the day of the week, Wednesday, and today was Monday. I was a bit confused. He pointed at Yang's phone number on his paperwork and ask if it was for my "airen" which translates to wife but literally means "love person". Yang always thought this was very funny. Not as funny as me. I tried to call Yang but there was no answer. She was on a lift somewhere.

He could tell I was having a hard time understanding so he wrote me a note, in Chinese. I took it inside to the receptionist and asked her to read it. For some reason the receptionist took me to the far end of the lobby, ironically near the ATM machines. She told me that the man said I could pick up the card on Wednesday or Thursday. I was puzzled and went outside and asked him in my horrible Chinese why he had come at all. He drove off and Yang called back while I was in the elevator. I told her what happened and she said "Uh huh" and I said "but I didn't get my card" and she said "why would you" and I felt like I was in some kind of parallel universe which I guess I am. I re-explained to Yang what happened and that I did not get a card and then she re-explained to me that the man was only there to verify my identity. To get the new card I would of course need to go back to the bank on Wednesday or Thursday.

So I made my way back to the bank on Thursday, this time sans Yang who was…get ready for it…snowboarding. I waited in line for an hour and then spent 40 minutes in front of the teller why he went through and endless series of paperwork. I signed countless documents which I didn't understand and entered my new PIN number no less than 10 times for different transactions none of which I understand.

A key lesson of living in China is the need to trust even when you have no idea what you are trusting. I do have a working ATM card now. One I vow never to lose.