It is January 5th 2006, the day after my 40th birthday 2006, and I was feeling a bit down. In part because because of turning 40, in part because the holidays had just passed and I was feeling homesick, but mainly because my birthday had passed and hardly anyone noticed. A quiet dinner with Yang, and phone call from my parents, and that was that. This wasn’t the first time I’ve felt this way and have learned its my deal mostly and how I can accept and deal with those feelings. Besides, those birthday blah feelings could just be a mask for feeling old, feeling cold, feeling far from home. Who knows, deal with what’s in front of you and move on.

In any case, on that January 5th morning just as on many January 4ths before it, I received an email from an old Bank of America colleague. “Happy Birthday Vince”, or to that effect Vito wrote which led to a brief email catch-up exchange, neither one of us reveling very much. The birthday email always made me smile and think of the times working at Bofa.  I knew Vito was using a reminder program to prompt him to send the emails, it was a simple little thing compared to all the modern calendaring and messaging systems developed since. Heck, probably that January 5th day – if it was a typical work day -- I had to read 200 emails and go to five meetings that my calendar dictated I go to.

I worked with Vito in the same group for nine years. Me starting out sitting in his double cube and him teaching me how to build systems. “You drive” he would say and I would type the commands into the computer he told me to. I can’t recall a specific time when he lost his composure or sense of calm, although I’m sure he must have at least once. He was a doer.

Outside of work we did not socialize much as I am not much of a socializer. The one time in my life I went ballroom dancing I ran into him and his wife Mary. I ran into him at the gas station on his way to see the locally famous Concord drum band the Blue Devils. It was a small miracle to see him at the gas station, I remember is Corolla had only something like 20,000 miles on it after eight years of commutes.

When I returned to BofA as a contractor in 2002 there had a reunion lunch with my old colleagues. I remember being nervous beyond how normally nervous I get because it was only a short time after Mimi had died. They all knew her to a degree and I didn’t want to deal with their condolences. Maybe they sensed that, since only two people said anything. My former manager who pulled me after lunch and Vito who sat next to me. I could sense he wanted to have a deeper conversation and I wasn’t ready.

This year, on January 5th, I woke up to nearly 30 birthday well wishes thanks to the magic of facebook. But no email from Vito. I had another email from an old BofA colleague who informed me that Vito had died after a long bought with cancer.

Rest in peace.