The older crotchety nurse loosely fondles two small cups and asks me a question. I have no idea what she is saying so I reply “tīng bù dǒng” which she finds amusing. “tīng bù dǒng” means I hear you but I don’t understand. (The fact that she understands me saying I don’t understand her is an improvement from when I first moved to China when I used to say “tīng bù dǒng” which resulted in a similar response back to me). The nurse in a semi laugh yells “tīng bù dǒng”. No one responds so she laughs and yells a bit louder. The head nurse, the one who booked (sold) us the exam happens to be close by and comes over. It is no small miracle that she was close by as there are maybe 15 stations spread out over two floors with maybe 100 nurses. The head nurse looks at me and then down to the small cups. “Pee pee. Poo Poo”. The poo poo cup is way too small I’m thinking. I say no to the poo poo and take the pee cup.
This was the final stage of what they call a 360 health degree checkup Yang and I had yesterday. We decided to do it in part because we are the age we should be doing these semi regularly and because our health insurance plan has a relatively generous allowance for such a checkup. When we signed up we went to the third floor a a semi abandon office building and found a large well kept clinic. It also kind of looked like a hotel lobby. There was no one there. When Yang said we were looking for a checkup the head sales person…er nurse (the one from above) sat us down and took our information. The main information appeared to be how much our insurance plan would pay and how to maximize it. We were told to come back at 8:30am the next morning and to refrain from drinking or eating in the morning.
They called us at 8:10am to confirm we were coming and we were on our way, Yang meeting me there after dropping the kids off at school. I’m thinking they must not have very many customers. I was wrong. When we got to the third floor the abandon lobby of the day before was packed with people kind of like and airport check-in line. Eight counters, 20 deep at each counter. This did not look good. Until Yang said we had the VIP plan.
VIP plans and privileged access are all the rage here. Banks and mobile phone carries have high end lounges at airports and what not. At first it seems a bit snobbish and then you get used to it, especially if it means you do not have to wait in line. After registration it works like this – you are given a chart with a list of stops (tests) to make. At each stop a doctor and/or nurse will perform the test and once complete you move onto the next stop. There is an order but you can skip around for a bit, for example when you need to wait for a two stage test.
For the first stops – blood, EKG, sonogram – there were special VIP sections that a near by stationed nurse took us too. We had to wait for maybe one or two other VIPs and then were seen. Given that the non VIP lines were 15+ deep, this was a good thing. A test was done inside a room typically with one nurse and one doctor. For example in the EKG room a nurse put on the sensors while the doctor sat at a table looking at the results. Yang went with me for each test, hoping to translate and in the case of EKG helping to hold sensors in place.
The next set of tests – and I’m sure I’m forgetting some – were ears/nose/throat, eyes, bone density, lung capacity, stomach bacteria, full body xray, dental, general checkup, and the before mentioned urine sample. For these test there were no separate VIP office and huge lines. The way it worked was one of the nurses in the hallway that was helping direct people to the various stations would take us to the front of the normal line and we would go next. You can imagine the looks we got. In fairness, I must say that while the lines were not sell formed – think fallen dominos – they were well behaved and having dealt with the travel lines the past two weekends, this felt like a small miracle.
All the doctors were older woman save the general exam one who did the “male” tests who was an older man. In general I prefer younger doctors since they tend to have more up to date medical training. Yang said these were likely retired doctors from public hospitals making a little extra money. They were all nice enough and I was the only foreigner there.
As far as our results, I guess we will get them in a few days. Of course they will be in Chinese and I’m wondering if some problem shows up whether it will apply to me.