I have a time travel machine, however in only goes in one direction. My mind, however, has another kind of time travel machine and one that mostly only travels in one direction as well. To the past. The year is 1997 and I'm thinking about CJ. CJ was my Labrador retriever and taught me to run in the rain. Or I should say taught me to love to run in the rain. In 1997 I was living alone with CJ and between my work and grad school at night I wasn't home very much. This wasn't good for CJ as he had a lot of energy. To do my job as a dog dad I would walk up early with him every morning and run with him and when I got home at night, no matter how late, I would take him running again. On the weekend I went on especially long runs with him. Rain or shine like a mailman without mail.

I remember that year for raining a lot. At first I didn't want to go out into the rain but felt like I had no choice. Given where I live now where folks are deathly afraid of the getting wet and/or cold, I at least had no such concern about getting sick. And I didn't get sick from an entire winter of running in the rain. I would head out into the rain and CJ would be pulling me like crazy. We'd step into the rain and I would feel the cold water hit my face and my shirt. It would feel cold but soon enough I was totally and completely wet and running and free. Until CJ decided to take a shit and I had to scoop down and pick it up with my plastic bag.

My favorite memory was running with CJ on the ball fields near my home. The grass would be slick from the rain. I throw the tennis ball and CJ runs after it going into a slippery slide when he tried to slow down to scoop up the ball. I would run and slide head first into the wet grass with CJ trampling me. We would make it home socked with CJ shaking himself off and me peeling myself off.

Sometime after that winter, CJ moved to Topeka Kansas to be with Mimi as was our agreement when Mimi decided to move there. I loved CJ but was ready for him to be with Mimi who could take better care of him than I could. I wish I could say I was pure in my intent, but I was also selfish and not wanting to be tied to the rigor of having to take care of CJ. So when Mimi asked me to delay moving CJ to Kansas, I said no, I was taking him there with her truck so she best be ready for him. Mimi and CJ were not the last to feel my cold.

A few years later Mimi returned to the Bay Area with CJ and another dog in toe. I had actually driven CJ back from Kansas to California because Mimi was too weak for the drive. Yang flew in to Topeka as well and I clandestinely picked her up at a hotel for the drive after securing CJ and the other dog (Kita) from Mimi. After Mimi was settled in California I did some dog sitting of CJ. I forget exactly why. I remember CJ being in the backyard and barking and the neighbor yelling at him. The neighbor also yelled at his wife which I knew because the police visited from time to time. On the first weekend we had CJ (Yang was living with me) we walked to our Saturday morning coffee shop. The kind of shop that hardly exists anymore. After coffee I asked Yang to watch CJ for a bit – I forget why, maybe I needed to go home and take a crap. In any case, with Yang holding the leash I reached down and told CJ that I would be right back. Yang grabbed the leash. He would not budge. My memory of him is clear, sitting with back legs collapsed, his front legs extended and looking at me. "you will not leave me again" seemed to be what he was saying. But you know from above my coldness and even though I returned to CJ that day, I would leave him again on another day.

Before Mimi died she arranged for her dogs to be adopted by other families. I would never see CJ again in my forward time machine, only in my backward traveling one.