I’m on the subway on my way home from work and my brain feels fuzzy. It’s been a hard week but not as hard as it feels. I check my wechat moments and see my ex is at the airport board in hand, ready for a weekend trip. On her other hand is a man which upon closer inspection looks to be her boyfriend. While I know she has a boyfriend, it’s been hard to tell from the pictures which one he is because she has her arms around so many. But this picture is different for the man has that boyish look of holding his woman.

I exit the subway a few minutes later and my body fills with the excitement of anticipation. I don’t notice it at first, my brain being all fuzzy. And then I notice that feeling with a start. My brain had forgotten it wasn’t me going on that weekend getaway. Instead, I was heading home for pizza party, movie night.

As I stepped through the door, my eldest daughter asked me to order. I did and 30 minutes later we had a feast. I forgot to download the requested movie and the one I had didn’t play so we resorted to Youtube queue. After a few dinners and food the kids went back to their iNannys.

Around 8pm I stepped out to get my 15,000 steps of which I a was few thousand shy. My two daughters joined me, this being a great night in Beijing. My eyes were darting around trying to keep my fuzzy brain alert.

We got home and I cracked open a beer to watch episode one, season one of Fargo. Flipping through the titles on the screen I could not quite make out the episode number. I guess it might finally be time for glasses. Then again, the next night I had no trouble seeing it.

I went to sleep and dreamt I was somewhere else. Where growing didn’t mean giving up. Where things all fit again in that fluid kind of dream way.