Middle Age Flight

I enter the Toronto airport as the superbowl overtime starts. I'm watching as I make my way to the checkin counter. Self checkin. Print boarding pass and luggage tags. Manual visa check. "Oh, you live in China. Interesting place". "Interesting" has a different tone than it did 15 years ago. For both the speaker and me.

I am a bit anxious. I tend to get anxious at airports. And the game is tense. 49ers score first in overtime. Now, if they can just hold down the Chiefs. And I'm probably anxious from not sleeping well during my trip to Toronto. And there's the involuntary anxious reaction of leaving my elder kids in Toronto. They've been through a lot in the past six months and I'm worried. And I'm anxious about returning to China. Not because of China, but because of my life and work there. It doesn't have a good vibe at the moment.

As I go through security check, I realize I'm having some kind of midlife crisis without the benefits. But maybe I'm too old for that. My hands are shaking, I put them in my pockets. Maybe too much coffee. Don't need to take off your shoes for security check in Toronto. Each country seems to have slightly different rules and they all assume the rules are known. I like to know.

I get through security check. I see a crowd at a bar watching the game. I go the other direction, still watching my phone. The Chiefs score a touchdown and win the game. I sit near the gate and scroll the twitter 49er frustration.

There are no direct flights between Toronto and Beijing so I first fly to Hong Kong. It's a 16 hour flight. That's a long fucking flight. I watch episodes of The Diplomat on my iPad and sleep off and on. My neck moves around like on a bike chain. I can never get comfortable. Maybe time to try one of those neck pillows. After several episode and several long naps I wake up to six more flight hours.

We land in Hong Kong, deplane, and security check HK style. It's 5:30am. I look for a Starbucks. Used to be one. No more. I settle for a Gordon Ramsey $6 americano. It's horrible. My hands are still shaking and seems I need to pee every half hour. At 8:30am, my flight to Beijing boards. I feel worn out.

Three hour later we land in Beijing. Beijing airport can have some loooong taxis before getting to a gate or worse yet off gate. We get a gate. Then a long walk to immigration. For some reason I enter the line for Chinese citizens and am redirected to the foreigner line. Still need to fill out the entry card. I can barely see the text that tells me what to write were. My hand shaking is worse. I get through immigration - no questions this time - and my luggage is waiting for me.

I take the subway with one transfer which takes about 40 minutes. The subway is crowded but not as crowded as my normal commute. I exit the subway and lug my luggage on the 10 minute walk home. Door opens. Sabrina doesn't notice at first but Kobe does. He wakes from his slumber, stretches and greets me. Then there's Amanda. Excited. Smiling. Shaking. I'm home. A home.