My thumb is shaking a little and my fingers trembling. I am not nervous. I am at lunch trying to put a soup spoon to my mouth. I put the spoon down and switch to the solid food. Someone would later compliment on my use of a chopsticks. I need to relax; or is it something else. Or both.

Middle age hits and it is hard to know what is normal and what is not normal. Physically I feel mostly the same. Mentally I have the same weaknesses I've always had but I am stronger for accepting them without malice. I can't seem to concentrate for long period of time anymore be it a TV show or a book. I seem to move from one weixin or facebook post to the next.

The curve between my thumb and forefinger begins to cramp which is weird. I think that I must be dehydrated, over caffeinated, sleep deprived, or nervous about my presentation. Wait, those things are all true. I stare at my hand watching it seize, curious like a cat. It slowly releases and I continue on with my afternoon wondering if something is wrong.

I have a lot to do but don't know what I want to do or how to start so I kill time until there is no time to choose. I work diligently but without purpose. I get up and get coffee or tea or a diet coke and then I site down looking for something else to distract me but there is nothing. I'm waiting for an insight.

In the meantime there is this.