A year ago today my alarm woke me at 6am. I needed to be in the office before my colleagues which in itself wasn’t that unique. What was unique was the reason I needed to be in early. It wasn’t for some meeting with Redmond, rather it was to turn in my badge. After 18 years at Microsoft and 35 years of working, my life was about to change. There was no hoopla or formal farewell or retirement gift. And I didn’t want to see anyone on my way out. I was grateful for the two close colleagues I did run into and shared moments with.
Retirement or unemployment, that is the question. In my mind, While I wasn’t forced out, it became uncomfortably apparent that I was no longer welcome. I am reminded of the famous study of children that are praised, criticized, and ignored with those in the ignored group having the worst outcomes. I was in the ignored group which in old Microsoft was also called the “idiot bit”.
So, what has the past year been like? Do I miss working? Am I going to work again?
I’ll start with what I’m grateful for. I’m grateful for being able to be there for my wife during her illness. I am grateful she has fully recovered. I am grateful for the time I got to spend with my toddler. All the playground time, all the walking time, all her personality emerging time.
I’m grateful the stock market had a good year that offset significant unplanned expenses. I think an unhealthy amount about my portfolio.
My days are simple, almost lying flat in modern slang. Coffee and news in the morning. Exercise. Some project/technical/hobby thing for a couple of hours. Some writing. Some reading. Playground time. Walking. Cooking. Watching an episode of TV a night. An absurd amount of podcasts.
I miss working. I like being part of something bigger than myself. I miss the rhythms of work. I miss being able to help people and being helped. The people I worked with and the people who used our products. I miss my identity as a Microsoft employee.
Emotionally, a lot less stress. Still get frustrated and judgmental from time to time. Like daily. Maybe I need to try that meditation thing.
I would like to work again. Maybe one not requiring the energy of a 60 hour a week corporate job. Don’t know what that looks like at the moment.
Today, my alarm woke me up at 8am. I wanted to get a workout in and catch the pregame news before the 49ers play the Colts. When the game came on at 9:15am, I was locked in. So were the 49ers.