To Aidan on his 18th Birthday
Aidan, you are 18 today. You are both unrecognizable from the newborn baby whose breathing I would check in the middle of the night and inseparable from the young man I toss and turn over hoping a weekend night out passes without folly.
I’m writing to you for it’s easier for me to give shape to my emotions in this way. In this contained way. I am writing to you to make a connection if not now then when you are ready for one. I am writing to you so that you might listen and I might be heard.
There are lessons and advice that I want to pass on and for you to take to heart. Spoiler alert - advice is a form of nostalgia. Consider this a map. One of those hand drawn maps of yesteryear. It’s what I had to work with as I navigate with. No GPS.
The lessons of your life are yours to learn. To earn.
But let me give you a bit of a head start.
Believe in magic. We Allios are a cynical sort and can see the lies that unveil the truth. This is a gift. And a curse. But life is magical. Sons and daughters are magical. Love is magical. Sunsets are magical. Ice cream sundays, good ones, are magical. Don’t always look for the trick for you will always find one if you do. Enjoy the effect.
Have a craft. Be good at something and take it seriously for it will provide your life with a foundation and if you’re lucky, a purpose. Pick a craft that you enjoy. Pick a craft that you have some aptitude for. It might be a craft that you fall into. It might be a craft that you train for. You don’t need to be the best in the world at it. You just need to earnestly hone it.
Watch your appetites. It is easy to confuse your appetites for who you are or for what you do. It is easy to confuse your appetites for passion or aggression or joy or desperation. But they are just your appetites. Temporal. A glass of wine shared with a friend will leave you full. Empty bottles on the sink will leave you in the void.
Be Creative. Create things and don't limit yourself by perception. Write, dance, draw, photograph, storytell, do hair, plant a garden, sing, decorate, paint, preach. Not all of these things of course. Not at once. Do anything that makes you feel creative, that makes your life force feels like it's growing in an expression of yourself.
Believe in family. Your family is here for you. Always. Be there for your family. Always. Strengths of connections will ebb and flow over a lifetime. Pull on the rope and the rope will get stronger. There is the family you are born with and the family you choose. When you choose, choose wisely.
As you read these tips know that they are reductionist. That we could easily come up with five or ten more abstract guideposts. I could be more specific and maybe I should. Share some of my hard earned lessons. But I’ll keep them abstract so that you can follow your own path. Remember how I started - advice is a form of nostalgia and life's lessons are yours to learn. Yours to earn.
With love, respect, and anticipation - Your Dad