A story about child abuse at a well funded, well known kindergarden chain in China showed up in the western media. Over the course of a few days the story changed from abuse that could be widespread, to a specific school in Beijing, then to a specific teacher at that school, and finally that a couple of parents conspired and made the story up. I have no idea what the actual truth is.

I’m thinking about the concept of truth. We all think we know what it is. But truth, as exists in others heads can be elusive. Especially when that truth is about us.

A couple of days ago I was taking Elisa to the ground floor of our apartment building so she could practice jump rope for some school competition. I forget why, but on the way down she said “..dad, you disappeared for a couple of years”. I wasn’t sure what exactly she was talking about, so I asked what she meant. She said that when I moved out or Hairun, that I was gone from being around her for a couple of years. My heart sank. A couple years ago it would have been shredded but now I felt sad. Sad for me, sad for Elisa. That wasn’t how I remembered it.
During breaks of jumping rope, I asked her if she remembered that I stayed with them every weekend, sleeping on the futon in the den. I asked her if she remembered that I called them before dinner every day. She shrugged, said “yea, I guess so.”
I know other adults have judged me. Two time loser. Quiter. Both true. But what I want my kids to know is the other truth. That I fought. Really, really fought to save our family. That everything I did and said .
I just wrote the truth, but then decided to let it stay in my head, until maybe it can come out one day in a less vile or indirect form.
The next night at dinner - the kids have been staying with me every other week for almost four years - I asked Aidan and Lydia if they felt I had disappeared for a couple of years. Aidan said he didn’t really know what was going on. Lydia said, that since we do the every other week thing it is like both her mom and me disappear for half the time. Very Lydia. I talked about the weekends I stayed with them and how I always wanted to and still want to be with them. Then I asked the question which is the obvious one yet often goes unspoken in situations like this. I asked if they knew why I moved out of Hairun. Lydia said because I broke up with mom but didn’t know why I broke up with her. Aidan then told Lydia and Elisa in Chinese. And even though it shouldn’t, it felt good he knew.
Back to the truth in Elisa’s head about me. I think I prefer to think of it as us getting closer. That I was physically present then but now I’m better at understanding her. And instead of staying with me to be a “good kid”, she actually enjoys it now. I do.