I am at The Den with my friend Steve and we have just ordered dinner and a beer. We’ve been meeting at The Den every Wednesday night for about a year. It is 2008, my third year in Beijing and Steve’s forth.

Strangely enough the early years for an expat in Beijing are often the easiest. You are busy trying to learn the language, the culture, and the bustling city drags you along. There are waves of new foreigners in town that are having similar experiences and it is easy to feel connected. Opportunity feels limitless, even if no real opportunity is at hand. Everything is just so new that you feel renewed. At least the part of you that isn’t feeling homesick and isolated, for sure that is part of the experience as well.

By the time you get to your third year in the city things are not so new. You’ve either mastered a level of Chinese or you haven’t, you move in your circle, and the annoyances of city takes place next to the charm. New expats seem naïve and your wisdom feels cynical to them. There are a dwindling number of expats who have been in the city as long as you have and they mostly keep to themselves. Opportunity still seems just around the corner, if you can just manage to figure it out.

The Den is one of the original expat handouts in Beijing. It opened back in the 90s when there were very few places and expat could go and have a decent burger. Now there are many such places catering to a more upscale crowd. To give you a flavor for The Den, happy hour lasts to 10pm. They are rumored to have the best burritos in town but they don’t serve them until 4am. I took Aidan there in 2006 to watch the World Series over breakfast. At 9am there was at table of folks winding up their night.

On this night in 2008 a middle aged man took the table next to me and Steve. Steve and I had pretty much covered any interesting topic between us and we both felt the need to meet a new friend. Steve said hello to the stranger hoping he would join us. He said hello back showing little interest. The most common, most boring, questions went his way. How long have you been in Beijing? Seven years. Your Chinese must be great. No.

Steve and I let him go with that. He was one of those “weird” expats that have been here forever. Certainly not the future that is in front of us.

Steve moved back to California last year.

Tomorrow is my 7th anniversary in Beijing.