While Aidan is free with his affection, Lydia makes you earn it.

Last summer I would come home from work and spot Lydia sitting on the couch, peacefully.  Lydia's response after the split second it tool to notice me? A joyous "baba's home!"? Not exactly. In a flash, she would stand up and race to put on her ultra-man mask and completely cover her face. I did not take this as a particularly good sign. This was her regular greeting for me until she discovered the red plastic stick which she used to whack me. I tried to take it as a sign of affection. Not necessarily positive affection, mind you.

This was during a time when I was traveling a lot and when I wasn't traveling I would be working a lot. It was, and to a degree still is, very common for me to leave home before Lydia is awake and return home after. Another fact is, well, I'm not mommy. Nor for that manner do I cook or talk to her in Chinese. I am just this foreign looking man (she only acknowledges that are noses are alike) who limits the amount of TV she can watch and ice cream she can eat.

So over the past few months I made a concerted effort to get home before she she was asleep even if that means eating take out 711 dinner (which btw is really good). I've tried to adjust my schedule so that on some days I can take her to school which she seems to really like.

And there have been positive results. Instead of donning the mask and whacking me she sits indifferently on the coach when I come home. Ok, that is not quite true. She's not indifferent, she is totally focused on Tom and Jerry of which we have endless episodes and really awful Chinese dubbing. Awful as in the Chinese is slightly loader and slightly delayed to the original soundtrack. Many days, when she isn't watching Tom and Jerry or arranging her hair ties, she will come running up to me and give me the biggest, sweetest hug. It more than makes up for the welts. I can't tell if the results are because of my efforts or in spite of them but it feels good all the same.

The litmus test is when I say to her: Lydia, "nǐ xǐhuān bàba ma?"  (你喜欢爸爸吗） which means "do you like your dad? At first her response was the very direct bù xǐhuān (no). Then after a while her response became wǒ xǐhuān bàba, māma (I like dad and mom). She would seldom give the direct wǒ xǐhuān (yes) answer as if her fondness for me could only exist in the context of Yang, which I guess is true.

This week I was able to take her to school on Monday morning and spend some time with her Monday night. The next four days I needed to leave before she could wake up and I had four evening events planned, three of which were work related. I decided to decline the last two work events so I could see my kids before they sleep.

Nevertheless, we are now back to the bu xihuan. Maybe it's just her way of teaching me Chinese.

Breaking news! Tonight as this went to press, a wǒ xǐhuān was heard!