She told me that never is a promise that I can't afford to keep.

It is 2am, I am in an expat bar in eastern Beijing. The music is loud and the 40 somethings have started to fade, giving way to the 20 somethings. Some are drunk and dancing on the bar with their Chinese girlfriends, looking like a pair of unmatched shoes; one cheap worn leather and the other a pink converse all star. I am at the bar with some friends who will eventually become acquaintances as we go on with our parallel lives. I never get to close to anyone for very long. My friends are high, but not drunk. I am stone sober, drinking diet coke and ginger ale. I am training for my next marathon, trying to get my time under 2:45. One of my friends there is an ABC, female, who I had the hots for when I first came to Beijing three years ago. But now my tastes have turned inward, more local one might say. But in any case, I have a wife back home, a good woman, looking after our kids. Every expat man I know except me, married or unmarried, has a Chinese girlfriend and seems to take it as just another benifit of living here, like having a driver or an ayi. Of course, I am being a bit cynical as some of these men truly --- or at least truly think -- they have found the love of their lives. I think it is ironic is that they finally found their soul mate yet they are bound to communicate at an 8th grade level due to the language barrier.

It's not that I haven't been tempted or that I consider myself better than anyone else. Quite the contrary. There is a girl who works as a EA at another firm in my office building that I've been known to share a lunch or two with. She has a MBA from a top school yet has never been out of the country. Her english is remarkably good. Her body just remarkable. Her smile breathtaking. Her laugh takes years of stress off my shoulders. She's let it be known that she wants more than lunch or a walk around the office complex or IM fun. I told her that could never be. That no matter how much I wanted to, that I could never cheat on my wife. I had little ones to think about after all. This is when she told me that never is a promise that I can't afford to keep.

The night moved on without me as I left the bar and started my walk home. For some reason I was feeling on a high and I called her. She answered on the 2nd ring, a bit sleepy. She lived nearby and asked me over.

When we were through and we were lying there, me gently sliding my hand down the small of her back, she asked me if this was a one time thing or if I wanted more. More, I said. I want more.

And so we continued this pubic affair and I must admit it felt great. Better than I could ever imagine. After a week, I told her I loved her and she told me same. I told her that I would never hurt her.

She told me that never is a promise that I can't afford to keep.