The building is showing its age and the stores inside seem to be continuously turning over. Continuously turning over except for the Jianmart which I’ve visited for over 20 years. When we first moved to the Chaowai neighborhood in 2005, Jianmart was the main local market. It was and still is a fairly large general purpose store selling groceries, dry goods, and household things. Yang and I even bought bicycles there back when we first moved here (they no longer sell bicycles). A large part of my hatred for watermelon was having to carry them from the store to our apartment that first summer. ...

China’s National Holiday, also called Golden Week, starts on the anniversary of the new China’s founding, October 1 and lasts a week. It is generally the best season in China and many other parts of the world. We often take trips during Golden Week. Amanda’s first road trip in 2024, Jim’s service and family visit in 2023, US trips in 2019 and 2017 amongst many more. But now that we are not working, Golden Week is just like any other week. When you can travel anytime, is there a reason to travel when everyone else does? ...

It’s three in the morning and I’m looking for photos for a social media post about Elisa’s heading off to college. The easiest ones to pick are Elisa in elementary school; there are so many great choices. The hardest one to pick is a recent one with me in it. I feel they all make me look old or fat or both. I settle on one from Elisa’s high school graduation. I actually look good in it. I include it on the Facebook and Weixin posts. Shortly afterward, both Elisa and Lydia inform me the image was created by AI. It’s also the cover photo for this post. ...

The van drops us off at the wharf. I step out and try to orient myself. I see Yang at the luggage drop and then we enter a small room. A small room with about 50 folding chairs, most of them occupied. Being one of the last groups to arrive, the tour instructions start promptly. That’s when I notice the entire group is Chinese, except for me. Even in Thailand, I am the laowai. ...

Elisa, you are amazing. I’m not sure what the future will bring for you but I am sure you will meet it head on, give it a slight nod and a taut smile. You are such a capable child. Scratch that. Capable adult. You use your smarts to do hard things (including Econ) and I’m even more impressed by your emotional intelligence and maturity. I know it hasn’t always been easy. ...

I’m in the emergency department of Chaoyang Hospital. It’s crowded. There are a lot of people with IVs sitting about. There are just a lot of people all around. Sitting, standing, in chairs, on stretchers. I have two back to back thoughts. The first - I can do this, I used to have Kaiser. The second - what this ward must have been like during Covid. My day started out with a text Yang and Elisa: can either of you come over and watch Amanda and Kobe? I think I need to go to the hospital. ...

I’m in the waiting area endlessly scrolling my phone when Sabrina beckons me into the stage room. I ask what’s going on and she says it’s time for Amanda’s audition. And indeed Amanda is standing alone, frontish and center of the slightly raised platform. Well, not totally alone, there is a young woman who is speaking with Amanda apparently trying to coax some behavior out of her. Then a young man bounds into the room, says hello and sits at the desk facing the stage. He asks in English if Amanda speaks English or Chinese. Sabrina responds in Chinese. The young man is all smiles and limbs and asks Amdana some questions. Amanda is a toddler stoic. The man takes notes. I try to look interested and I’m sure it comes off as strained. I resist looking at my phone. I fidget. ...

(Sanlitun Kindergarten west gate) As we walk to preschool choice number three, I ask Sabrina about the background of the schools. Amanda immediately objects by covering her ears with her hands. She’s not objecting to the conversation but rather not being the center of focus. Like all good parents, I learned this from ChatGPT. Preschool number three is the furthest from our apartment, about one mile away. It is tied to a construction company, in the Danwei tradition. It is also located near the old US embassy and one of the older embassy districts in Beijing. Sabrina is worried that after we submit the paperwork, Amanda will be accepted and won’t have a chance for our top two choices. We arrive at the east gate and can hear kids playing inside. The gate is barricaded like most schools here. ...

Today, the day of Elisa’s High School Graduation, I have one main thought. Elisa is remarkable. That thought is with me when she appears like magic in the reception line before the ceremony. That thought is with me as she performs a One Direction song with her classmates. That thought is with me when she’s in a white dress and gives a short speech on what it means to be graduating, a speech full of memories and hope. That thought is with me as she accepts her diploma. That thought is with me as I catch her emotion on stage. That thought is with me when the emotion flows after the ceremony, when we didn’t coordinate the meet up. That thought is with me as she helps me to order lunch for the family celebration. ...

I’m at the playground with Amanda and she is running from place to place. In between places, she comes and grabs my hand and beckons me to play. I do it half-heartedly, preferring to focus on a podcast and a game of free-cell. At some level, I’m sure Amanda notices. But I do show up. After 90 minutes at the playground, I say “juice” and Amanda runs to put on her shoes and we are off to the dollar store to get her a 2.5RMB drink. She brings the juice to the cashier by herself. We do this daily and the cashier is eagerly anticipating Amanda’s playful face . They both smile and say “bye-bye”. I pay. ...