I’m in the waiting area endlessly scrolling my phone when Sabrina beckons me into the stage room. I ask what’s going on and she says it’s time for Amanda’s audition. And indeed Amanda is standing alone, frontish and center of the slightly raised platform. Well, not totally alone, there is a young woman who is speaking with Amanda apparently trying to coax some behavior out of her. Then a young man bounds into the room, says hello and sits at the desk facing the stage. He asks in English if Amanda speaks English or Chinese. Sabrina responds in Chinese. The young man is all smiles and limbs and asks Amdana some questions. Amanda is a toddler stoic. The man takes notes. I try to look interested and I’m sure it comes off as strained. I resist looking at my phone. I fidget.
The Amanda interview is over and the man turns to face me and Sabrina. He’s projecting engagement as he tells us, in English, that Amanda is shy around new people. That he’s studied in Germany for eight years which is meant to provide credibility to his assessment. I am darting my eye contact to appear interested but not too interested. A few “Yes” and “I understand”. I am wondering when this will be over and I can have some lunch. I again resist the urge to look at my phone. Then the man switches to Chinese which was a relief. Sabrina responds to his comments. I only understand a word here and there. I try not to look frantic.
On the drive home, while I avoid plowing over a waimai driver, I wonder what is wrong with me. Where is that playful bit. Where is that caring bit. Then I think about Mimi for a bit.
A few days before Amanda’s audition, I took her to see Toy Store 5. Who knew there were five of them. At first we were alone in the theater, later to be joined by a half dozen more. Amanda was locked into the movie. I alternated between enjoyment, where Amanda was enjoying it, and wanting to leave. The message of the movie was about play and friends. Which hit hard for me. I kept it together, briefly. When it was over, Amanda scooted her little body down from the chair and followed me out of the theatre.
