Midlife Lottery

Some middle age men hit the lottery with the whole midlife crisis thing. First, they don’t have a midlife crisis. In fact, midlife finds them confident in who they are. Midlife finds them understanding the true meaning of freedom, which is accept yourself and to be your true self. But this isn’t the lottery. The lottery comes when their wife’s own midlife crisis turns her into a super fit cougar. A super fit cougar who decides to get a boob job. Now, that’s hitting the midlife lottery. ...

February 11, 2013

ATM Card, Where Art Thou

Two years ago almost to the day I lost my ATM card and the experience of getting a replacement was such a hassle I swore I would never let it happen again. Until a couple weeks ago. It is pretty easy to lose an ATM card here as most of the machines spit out the card at a remarkably slow pace that for some reason reminds me of a tractor. Both times I lost my card I was stressed out about something and I’m sure I just grabbed the withdraw and walked away leaving my card to eject into an invisible hand. After realizing I lost my card and checking the cash bins near the ATM machine it was time for me to solicit Yang’s help and go to the bank. One of the things I dislike the most about living here is its difficult for me to do any kind of complicated transaction without someone’s help and in general I tend not to like to ask for help. ...

February 4, 2013

Bus Ride

I stand up to get some water to wash down my lunch and I feel a bit dizzy and not for the first time in that day. I’ve had a bit of a cold and a Beijing smog fueled cough and I’m thinking now I might really be coming down with something. That and I was up at 3:45am to watch the 49ers NFC Championship Game. So I decide it is time to go home for the day and put the quarters into the machine again tomorrow. ...

January 26, 2013

SMOG

I sit across from my friend’s date, yet it is not his date, it is an exploration. I cannot speak because they are flirting in Chinese and it is only with great effort that I can even follow. I also cannot speak because I’ve lost my voice. I’m not sure what was the cause of the voice loss and although it sounds like I swallowed a possessed frog, I’m pretty sure that I didn’t actually swallow a possessed frog. It is not clear that my voice loss is noticed because I don’t really speak all that much anyway and when I do people can barely hear me. ...

January 20, 2013

Dark enough to see the light

I told him that he had it all wrong. You don’t need someone so bright that they can pull you out of your darkness. You need someone dark enough that they can see your light. Learn this now or learn this later. He learned this later and learned it the hard way. But at this point there wasn’t much I could do for him and his new search for a dark lover. Honestly, I thought I should be honest with him but where would that leave him but alone. Or with another broken cookie. ...

January 9, 2013

47

It is 5:10pm as I head out of the office 10 minutes later than I had planned and nine hours after I arrived. This would be a full day for most but for me is a short day. Like most of my days since winter started. I wish I could say it was because I’ve finally been finding the balance in life but that’s not it. I’m just not all that motivated. Could be my mom’s passing. Could be a month of below freezing temperatures. Could be a midlife crisis, mine or another’s. There is no “why”. It just is. Maybe I could rewind the chain of events and find the “why” but that’s not where I’m at right now. Mainly because I think there are many “whys” that can be blamed. Live in the moment and fix forward is what I aim for. ...

January 5, 2013

Audio Tour

In the crazy world that is the Chinese holiday schedule today is my fifth day off of the past six. Tomorrow begins a stretch of working eight days in a row. For most of the five days off I’ve been inside alternating between reading, watching tv, playing with the kids, and eating. Today I decided to get out of the house for a bit. The plan adventure was a walking audio tour of Beijing. But not just any walking audio tour, this one was based on an unofficially unsolved murder of a foreigner in Beijing. ...

January 4, 2013

Patterns

I get home at 6:30pm to the sight of Aidan and Lydia sitting at the dining room table, eating noodles, and watching videos on the laptop. Elisa is at the other end of the table from where she can see the living room TV while having a bite to eat. The two things that I’ve repeatedly asked is that the kids don’t watch TV when eating and that we eat together as a family. It is New Year’s Eve and I am not exactly feeling like the king of the household. It doesn’t help that Yang is out somewhere with her friends. ...

January 1, 2013

Rituals

It is two days after Christmas which for you kids is mostly about getting gifts. But it is about a lot more than gifts. It is about ritual and I want to explain a bit about why rituals are important. The short answer is because they can pull you through when that’s all you have left. When I was a child the kids would all gather in my parent’s basement waiting to be allowed upstairs and open presents on Christmas morning. We’d be gathered on the stairs, looking up at the door, waiting for the knob to turn. If my dad had to work that day, he was a firefighter, then the door would open before 7am. If he was just getting off work that day, then just after 8am. Once the door was opened we would rush to the living room and stare memorized at the pile of gifts. With eight kids, there were a lot of gifts. All the gifts were wrapped and my father would sit at the base of the tree and call out the name on the package and that kid would come excitedly forward to collect his bounty. We’d start out a gift at a time but invariably it would turn out to be a free for all with wrapping paper and giddy kids everywhere. With my dad being the way he is there was also an element of stress. Too messy, too much stuff, too noisy. You may recognize the same elements in your dad. ...

December 27, 2012

Cold Christmas Eve

I wake up with a stuffy nose and a dry throat. It is five AM. It is 0 degrees Fahrenheit outside. It is Christmas Eve. I down a cup of instant coffee and eat three of brazil nuts and then begin my workout. 30 minutes later, drenched in sweat, I make my breakfast and listen to ESPN radio over the internet. I shower and dress for the office. Christmas Eve is just another day here. Well, mostly. The kids being in the international department of Fangcaodi have the week off school whereas the rest of the students need to go to school. For our house these means the kids are still asleep when I head out the door for work. Normally, they are leaving at the same time as me and I get to harass them about waking up and eating some breakfast. On this morning, I am missing that. ...

December 24, 2012