I bought her a cup of coffee and told her I don’t love her anymore. We had been together for three years. Met at a conference. I was supposed to speak but there was a huge summer storm and they canceled the sessions for the day. The only ones who were dumb enough to come in were me and her. We got to talking and she found my nervous energy charming and I found her nearness a comfort in contrast to my desperate loneness. ...
The man with the mohawk sat in section 203 all by himself when she walked by. She waited for a man and his child to move and then she took her seat. After a couple of minutes, she stepped into the row behind the mohawk man and asked him if he was american. He knew the game was in play and if he played it right he would be able to line up his first option for the rest of the night. She was a bit older than his 25 years, but she was still in decent shape and she had a good smile and he could tell she wasn’t looking for attachment. He was accustomed to women approaching him and as ridiculous as that sounds to most men, he wasn’t flattered or humbled by the experience. He just tried to use it to his advantage. He knew that his personality gave off a certain, approachable, friendly vibe and that his body was tight. He exerted just the right amount of sexual tension…not enough to scare aware prospective partners but strong enough that the partner knew he was more than ready when she was. ...
We are in the United lounge getting ready to board a flight for a vacation in a far off place. It is the first time we’ve gotten away alone together in a long time. Since the kids, since the move. I have enough United miles that we get upgraded to business class. She’s happy with this. We get on the plane and I feel pride and a sense of peace. I’ve been away for a few days so while we wait to takeoff she catches me up on what happened at home the past week. A certain play at school, a typical swimming lesson, the usual lunch with the girls, the usual gossip about who’s happy and who’s not. Then she mentions the call from the investigator from our old hometown, asking routine background questions for a case he is trying to close. I pay a bit more attention but I am not concerned, they are just running in the same circles they did five years ago. Then she mentions the phone call from the ex sister in law, asking a seemingly innocent question. But it isn’t so innocent. My first thought is to end it myself because the police will surely be waiting on our return. My second thought is this is just a dream. And it was. And I awake. To another reality near by. ...
It’s raining cats and dogs or antelopes and deer and I wonder if I will ever fall asleep. I flip on CNN and read the latest “breaking” news where breaking means “recent”. They used to just call that — well — news. I’ve been having a hard time sleeping lately if consider lately the past 10 years or so. I want to blame it on my job or too much caffeine or life stress or what not. But maybe it is just they way I am. One night every few weeks I will barely sleep at all…scratch that two nights but one of the two is chemically induced. The lack of sleep makes me tired during the day and makes me stress over things that are not so stressful which causes me to sleep less and so on. You get the picture. Circles create their own momentum. ...
She wondered what good she would be to him unless she allowed him to break her. She liked who she was and after so many years of struggle had finally found her center even if her center was destined to be off kilter. But she knew her cynicism and wicked mouth and fruit-tarian like diet and obsessive rocking out to music would drive him away. So she made the conscious decision to change. To change for him. Even if that meant taking a risk and losing the sense of herself. Again. And she had not forgotten how much work it took to get her sense of self back the last time. ...
The food comes and he says nothing. They laugh when the kung pao chicken arrives and he obliges by calling it the lao wai chicken. They can tell he is bored so they ask if he wants beer to drink but he says no. He only drinks alone when he is alone and not when he’s not. This he has learned from a Dennis Lehane novel. He realizes he’s being an ass by sitting and not eating much and talking even less. But he is the only foreigner there and even with foreigners he can’t stand to make small talk. When was the last time he had a good conversation about his hometown sport teams, or a good movie, or some music he likes. He is drifting in a world he doesn’t understand and worse yet doesn’t want to understand. And certainly a world that does not want to understand him. The knowledge he’s gained from being part of this culture for three years has only pushed him further from his culture while simultaneously closing doors into this one. He wants to sit and rock to his music, maybe Pink’s mizunderstood playing “just like a pill” loud and twice. ...
She spent 17 years trying to save her soul and now she finds she can’t get out. She was an innocent, albeit a slightly disturbed one. She found her fun on Saturday nights at the clubs dancing and moving to the rhythm. She knew the good DJs from the poor ones by sound and not reputation. Before she lost her soul, she used to find it every morning rocking with the music and writing. Always writing. ...
He lost his muse and didn’t know how to find her again. He tried looking for her in coffee shops, restaurants, and bars. His writing was blocked because he no longer had anyone to write to. No one who would read what he would write and drop the perfect comment over a shared biscotti. He tried to write anyway, but the words came slow and what came was an unfocused mess. ...
It was Monday morning after the fateful Friday and she was laying out her clothes for the day. She was careful to pick the right length skirt that was short enough without being too short and showed her shape without being too tight. She picked a black sleeveless blouse because on Friday night he said he liked her arms and because this particular blouse had been successful in the past. She showered and combed her long straight black hair. She looked in the mirror and was happy with what she saw, a fairly tight body for 35 but at the same time there was no denying the effect of age and gravity. ...
The day is over and she is tired and she just wants to get home, have some tea, curl into a blanket and sleep. She waves down a taxi, gets in and says “Zhichun Lu”. The taxi driver replies “qu nar”? She repeats. He repeats. She then says the larger area name, Zhongcunsun followed by Zhichun Lu. The driver still asks where. She is so frustrated. Then the taxi driver says the damndest thing. that he doesn’t understand what she is talking about. At this point she decides he’s flake and she gets out of the cab. ...