Letters

Your Mom is the light. I knew that from the first moment I saw her walking past my office in her tennis shorts. Her short tennis shorts. She had no reason to date me really except for he soon to be ex boyfriend of whom I will be forever grateful. I had no reason to date her, except as I already mentioned, she is the the light. Before there were you kids there was just us. Living in a small house in Fremont, sleeping on a bed on the floor. In those days we still played tennis together among other things. There was never enough time together. ...

I am standing at my niece’s Tori’s baptism in Houston Texas. Somewhere nearby is Aidan and Yang. Aidan is maybe a year old so this is 2003. No Lydia yet. No Elisa. No Beijing Allios. My mom is standing next to me. She whispers into my ear that I could take Aidan up for a little dip; to be baptized. I politely decline, not reveling myself, caught in between being respectful to my mom and being respectful to myself. Her faith is strong and mine goes unstated. So, with my Mom’s remaining days dwindling, I thought I would use this letter to state my faith after all. And the message I want you kids to understand. ...

Aidan, you are six today and I can’t be more proud of you. Not proud because you turned six healthy and happy – this is a relief – but because of who you are. At some point in the past year you became a boy and the event almost slipped by without my noticing. But I did notice, the way your body folds on the bed is now longer and slightly awkward, the way you tolerate Lydia when she’s fussy vs. whacking her up side the head, the way you sit down and diligently do your homework, the way you likewise work to assemble your legos, the way understand when ask for more and when to ask for less. There have been other changes too, of course. You’ve had a few tough stretches at school where the bigger kids picked on you (your father can relate) and you came home with scratches and bruises. But you have adjusted to it and have improved your kicking skill. You’ve even adjusted your story a few times about what happens at school which means you are beginning to lie and discover what us other humans can detect. Keep in mind the two principles about lying that I’ve already told you. First, never lie to your family. Second, only lie about something important. When you are mad you bend your head and storm out of the room, not making a sound. You don’t get mad very often, and less often as the year passed, but when you do it is mostly because me or mom said we were going to do something we didn’t do. Like buy you a toy. At some point during the past year you stopped taking naps but you did start getting scared at night. Right now you wake up most nights and say in “very scared” in Chinese. I don’t so much raise you as I observe you and do everything I can to make sure that the part of you that is your essence does not get stepped on and recedes. Because your essence is so beautiful and uniquely you. It is in everything you do. When you cry when I leave on a business trip, when you beam with pride when you assemble a bionicle, when you run with joy chasing me, when you talk endlessly with your sister explaining what is real and what isn’t, when your voice is always too loud for a restaurant and you lower when i ask. Lower it for a good syllable or two. Your essence shines through in the photos of you, from day one to today. ...